Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
