i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I met the friendliest cop last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
