guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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