ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
