Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
