Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
