Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
