someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
