I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
