Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
