Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize