Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize