I'm laying in your front yard are you home
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
