three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
