When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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