in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
