new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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