currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
