That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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