Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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