So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
