I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
