He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
