Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
