I puked a lego.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize