I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
