2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
