I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
