its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
