if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize