Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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