I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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