i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
