I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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