i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
