yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me I should be a condom model.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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