I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
