she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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