She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
