i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
