In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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