i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize