ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
