I CAN MOONWALK!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
