Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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