apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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