tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
