The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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