I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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