Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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