So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
