Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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