were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
