Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soap is not a condiment
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
