Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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