just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
