I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
