What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
