I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize