you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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