There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
