It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
