he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
