i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize