just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This baby is an asshole
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
