He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
