we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
