Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
