I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
