Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
