Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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