If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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