allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
