You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize