I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
