I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
BRING THE BAGELS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
