you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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