Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
