if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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