Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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