Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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