Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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