Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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