Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
