i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
