just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize