I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
