I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
