Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
