Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
