i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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