I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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