I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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