god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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