I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
