There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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