we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
