Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
