Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
