exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
