I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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