What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
