went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
