it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
