We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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