I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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