the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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